The Binary System for Rating the Opposite Sex

by Brian Antonio

It is a long-standing and often indiscrete convention for men and women alike to rate members of the opposite sex on a scale of 1 to 10 in an effort to determine whether or not that person might be a worthwhile short-term investment of their time and energy (and oftentimes money). However this practice really is an exercise in futility; ultimately, the difference between a 7 and an 8, or an 8 and a 9 will hardly influence one's decision on whether or not to consider that person as an intimate partner.

Nowadays a new, less cumbersome system for rating the opposite sex is coming into prominence. This is known simply as the Binary System for Rating the Opposite Sex. To clarify, while the conventional Base-10 Decimal system consists of ten numbers (0 to 9), the Base-2 Binary system in fact consists of only two numbers -- 0 and 1.

Hence the Binary System for Rating the Opposite Sex is as follows:

0. I would totally not do him/her
1. I would totally do him/her

Unlike the Decimal system, the difference here between one number is like night and day.  That said, there are a number of guidelines which may influence the Binary System for Rating the Opposite Sex:

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1. Although the Binary System for Rating the Opposite Sex is initially tied in every way possible to a person's physical appearance, certain intangibles can come into play, making it entirely possible for one to upgrade or downgrade one's Binary Rating as follows:
   1. One may be assigned a Binary Rating of 0, but can upgrade their standing through a combination of such intangible factors as chemistry, common activities, personality, etc. One who has successfully upgraded their rating may challenge others to follow suit by stating loudly and proudly to everyone and anyone who might cross their path:
      "I've upped my rating; now up yours!!"
   2. One may be given a Binary Rating of 1, but can be downgraded through a combination of such intangible factors as personality conflicts, aggressive conversation on the topic of commitment, etc. Additionally, a gentleman who doesn't at least offer to pay for a lady's dinner will likely be downgraded. Conversely, if a gentleman pays for a lady's dinner and she doesn't at least offer to put out, she then runs the risk of being downgraded.

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2. It is possible for a single factor to influence one's Binary Rating as follows:
   1. A person may qualify for an automatic Binary Rating of 0 under the following conditions:
   1. If a man or woman has a baby, they are automatically assigned a Binary Rating of 0 unless half of the baby's DNA sequence is a derivitive of your own. If you require confirmation of the child's parentage, you may contact expert Maury Povich at beaguest@themauryshow.com.
   2. A person is given an automatic Binary Rating of 0 if they do not have a stable source of income, unless they are a student. On that note, extra care must be taken when dating students because by the time they are finished school they will likely enter the work force with a seemingly insurmountable mountain of debt.
   3. A person is automatically given a Binary Rating of 0 if they are addicted to any form of major or minor narcotic, including but not limited to:
      • Alcohol
      • Nicotine, marijuana, and generally anything that can be ignited and inhaled
      • Anything which can be injected with a needle
      • Any form of pill or powder which can be inhaled or ingested
   2. Although generally there is no single factor which will automatically qualify a person for a Binary Rating of 1, a select few may consider a person's affluence as an influence in this regard.
   3. Although one may qualify for an automatic Binary Rating, it bears repeating that a person may upgrade or downgrade their Binary Rating as per rule #1.

~Brian Antonio
www.brianantonio.com

Disclaimer: This article is intended as a work of humour and in no way represents the author's actual opinion.