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In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

There is a theory which states that if anybody ever discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realised there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: 'Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end.'

First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure.

[The World Wide Web is] the only thing I know of whose shortened form — www — takes three times longer to say than what it's short for.

Technology is a word that describes something that doesn't work yet.

The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place.

People

Compare my mouth to my ass ....
~Andrew McIntosh -- a man known for his unique insights ;P

We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology.
~Carl Sagan

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
~Rich Cook

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
~Albert Einstein

Nice guys are the ones women complain to about the jerks they've slept with.
~Dan Aquilina

Profanity is the crutch of a conversational cripple.
~Jay Alexander

Movie Quotes

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
~Inigo Montoya -- The Princess Bride

Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?
~Dr. Evil -- Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

The purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.
~Spock -- Star Trek

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder. I'm gonna cut off your arms. I'm gonna shove 'em up your icehole. Dirty son-a-ma-batches!
~Roman Maroni -- Johnny Dangerously

If you can't be an athlete, be an athletics supporter.
~Principal McGee -- Grease

There's no crying in baseball!
~Jimmy Dugan -- A League of their Own

Throw me a frickin' bone here!
~Dr. Evil -- Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Allow Myself to introduce ... Myself.
~Austin Powers -- Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

A strong man sheds blood before he sheds tears.
~Wong Kei-Ying -- Iron Monkey

Gimme some sugar, Baby!
~Ash -- Army of Darkness

Hail to the King, Baby!
~Ash -- Army of Darkness

I'll rip your f#ckin' ears right off your goddamn head and I'll stick'em right where the sun don't shine so you can hear me kick your butt!
~James -- Best of the Best 2

Good ... bad ... I'm the guy with the gun!
~Ash -- Army of Darkness

Sex in the City

Have we settled for a suger free existence? We accept e-mails instead of love songs.... we accept jokes, instead of poetry...

In fact, some might even prefer the regular guy who makes jokes and makes us laugh, rather than the guy who puts lots of effort in writing us poetry and serenading out of our window...

When faced with an extremely romantic situation, we might even gag, and think that the person who is trying to romance us is phoney and playing up a whole act, that actually turns us away.

Have we become romance-intolerant?

~Carrie Bradshaw/Sarah Jessica Parker